Out of the fire and into the frying pan..
And I thought I was out of the fire, but now I am in the frying pan.
I feel that I am taking this
'Advanced Living with God' course and it's getting so
hard.
It's not like any super damn hard choreography; it's like some inhuman waltz, and I dunno how am I going to bang my way out of this.
When I try to look for refuge You just shoot things out of nowhere,
taking me so by the surprise;
yet dropping me hints and advice that You're actually there.
So what's up? What are You trying to say?
You with me? Or are You against me?
I know so clearly that You ARE with me.
But why are You so soft spokened now?
You used to talk so loud and Your word is like so obvious to do;
why are You now whispering like a mouse squeeking?
But I still hear You, it doesn't matter.
I'm clinging to that bit of flotsam in the deluge;
I never realized that my secret weapon will be totally useless nowadays;
it just seems that the world is blown off my feet.
Damn sick. And damn tiring.
Yet I know that You're the only one that knows all these pain;
You know what is hiding inside.
God,
You're great, I know and I agree.
So give this struggle the ending day it deserves.
Let You be my hope.
Please.
Battlefield battlefield battlefield
I never meant to start a war but it just keeps happening and only God knows why.
Solomon and Me
As
Zhong Sheng, I will probably choose to run away from THESE kind of things.
But as Solomon, I choose to face it and I refuse to give in.
The comforting thing about it all is that God is dropping me various hints that He really IS beside me. Supporting me. Carrying me when I am too tired to move.
As Solomon, I choose to face it.. no matter how hard it seems to be,
no matter how hopeless it seems to be, I am putting my bet on You,
my Lord, my Kinsman-redeemer.
Picking up the cross
I think I never knew what it meant by carrying my cross and follow You;
and I never had imagined that after our 'honeymoon' period things will get THIS tough.
But I guess You still planned a way out; you put Andy there for a reason..
And that talk wakes me up.
舞少了灵魂就不是舞了.
It's just not the time to get discouraged.
Just wanna say that I want to take pride and ownership in this dance ministry which I have been called by Him to do so.
To be labourers in this building project of His, build from nothing but dust,
but Lord, even dust belongs to you! You've already given us the materials to do so.
We just need to persevere on.
Everyone is doing their part to glorify God with their assigned tasks.
Just need to continue to stay strong and firm with Red-sea faith,
healthy prayer life and oh yes fasting as well.
Just wanna thank a few of the heroes in my life for the week,
Jey : Told me that he had a vision of the dance ministry doing a performance on the level like Last for One ( a very sick b-boying team from korea). That really encourages me so much.
Eph : For always being there and providing cold, hard facts to my situation, in order to make me grow.
Jellyline : Although at times i feel really unworthy and engulfed by envy, i am grateful for you for always watching my back in the battlefield although i always fail to notice. Really thank God for you.
And the list continues..
But I wanna thank God the most because I know He has gone ahead and make a way for me.
That calms me down although I always lose my cool when I go into the battlefield.
I need to really learn how to look upon you and FOCUS upon you at all times.
I just want to pray for courage and confidence in You as I fight for this last 2 weeks,
but I probably already know that Your plans are not ending here;
I know You have harder tasks for me to do.
But even so I want to be content in Your leading in any circumstances, I don't care where you wanna bring me to, I just wanna follow You.
I really want to learn to deny myself more and more as I continue in this battle.
And I know that You're here, so make the sun stand still again like You've did in the battle in the valley of Aijalon.
We'll never fight alone.
my mind's made up
Time to do impossible things, for the God of impossibles..
Just as Joshua lead the 2 million strong Israelites to battle in the Promised Land;
a normal human, not even a leader; but Joshua succeeded because God was with him all along..
Leading 40 people can't be that hard compared to 2 million..
Just need You to be with me, all distractions be gone..
Joshua 1:9 (NLT) - This is my command: be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. FOr the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
My mind's made up.
blah
I just realized that you still have that ability to make me smile with your stupid voice despite all that time that has passed.
stupid witch, stupid witch
oh my darling, oh my dance
Sometimes I don't understand,
why am I still doing this.
As in,
why am I still dancing.
Oh dance, what really are you to me?
- a tool to impress?
- a tool to express?
- a tool for social links?
- interest?
- fame?
- show?
I never really like it before.
Was it to impress, or to express?
For people with envy/pride issues, it only serves to further aggravate the situation..
At times,
I get so engaged in that lust for human affirmation that I forgot who I was dancing for.
Just so.. just so craving for that bit of praise; just so wanting for that second of recognition.
Dance; I never wanted to bring you over from her era.
That episode is long over..
But God,
I still don't completely understand why are You letting me do this,
I know that You know that it's a critical and blind spot of mine;
You know I learn slowly;
You know I don't like to show myself in alternate ways contrary to my real self...
I can't even do anything correct, and I learn so slowly, so why did You choose me to be what they called a 'stage minister'?
It's a mask that I need to wear everyday.. A false persona.
But yes, Jeremiah 29:11 never fails to fall from my head,
'For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.'
But at times, I just lose my vision.
My ultimate destination.
Living in this world is sickening.
Everyday is a constant battle and I can't let loose,
the moment I do so, I fall, and I don't even realize it.
Till then,
I will be content in Your leading.
Lead me to wherever You want me to go;
let my guard be stronger....
and tomorrow,
it's time for the dance; that I am leading.
I know I am weak, but the ultimate Choreographer behind the scenes is You.
Let Your Spirit flow through my limbs, and let Your charisma fill my mouth.
I pray all of this in Jesus' most precious name,
Amen.
It's not the time for you to interfere.
Get lost now.
not meant to be
oh,it's like,
one step forward and two steps back,
and no matter what I do you're always mad,
and I can't change your minddddddd
oh,
it's like,
trying to turn around on a one way street,
I can't give you what you want and it's killing me,
and I, I'm starting to see
maybe we're not meant to be
wahhaha
Just really wanna give thanks to God for His protection today.
Oh my I am so damn proud of myself, despite today being a day full of temptations but I never for a second renounced Him. I held firm in my stand. Lemme explain.
1st battle : Pon-ten
-Lunch time. Gang and I went to eat, after went to library.
-Library. Gang borrowed TWO blu-ray discs and went slacking in media room. Uhoh. (sure jabo)
-Time for lesson. Gang really wanna pon ten. But I went to class anyways.
2nd battle : Pon-ten episode 2
- Class was.. boring to the core. Can't stop snoozing.
-ZL was ranting to go home cause it's gonna rain. Then PL came and ask us to pon together.
-Refused to pon steadfastly, and all of us didn't pon in the end. Great!
3rd battle: A (seemingly)Hopeless Fight
-Time was 5pm. Going to meet my worst nightmare. Super scared.
-Kept praying and praying not to fall into a trap like
a fly swatting into a spider's web.
-Time was 7pm. Still waiting for her to come. Continuing to pray and praise God.
-Minutes later she came. As short as ever, however not as cute(dunno why).
-Came close, but I shunned(I AM DAMN SCARED WHENEVER SHE DOES THAT I TELL YOU).
-Thought I'd go home with a few (mental)blisters and scars, but ended the day relatively unharmed. It's a battle well fought.
-BUT, like hm says; if I gonna meet her more, then this is only the beginning.
The war continues..
"Darkness have to be present for light to shine."
