oh my darling, oh my dance
Sometimes I don't understand,why am I still doing this.
As in,
why am I still dancing.
Oh dance, what really are you to me?
- a tool to impress?
- a tool to express?
- a tool for social links?
- interest?
- fame?
- show?
I never really like it before.
Was it to impress, or to express?
For people with envy/pride issues, it only serves to further aggravate the situation..
At times,
I get so engaged in that lust for human affirmation that I forgot who I was dancing for.
Just so.. just so craving for that bit of praise; just so wanting for that second of recognition.
Dance; I never wanted to bring you over from her era.
That episode is long over..
But God,
I still don't completely understand why are You letting me do this,
I know that You know that it's a critical and blind spot of mine;
You know I learn slowly;
You know I don't like to show myself in alternate ways contrary to my real self...
I can't even do anything correct, and I learn so slowly, so why did You choose me to be what they called a 'stage minister'?
It's a mask that I need to wear everyday.. A false persona.
But yes, Jeremiah 29:11 never fails to fall from my head,
'For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.'
But at times, I just lose my vision.
My ultimate destination.
Living in this world is sickening.
Everyday is a constant battle and I can't let loose,
the moment I do so, I fall, and I don't even realize it.
Till then,
I will be content in Your leading.
Lead me to wherever You want me to go;
let my guard be stronger....
and tomorrow,
it's time for the dance; that I am leading.
I know I am weak, but the ultimate Choreographer behind the scenes is You.
Let Your Spirit flow through my limbs, and let Your charisma fill my mouth.
I pray all of this in Jesus' most precious name,
Amen.
It's not the time for you to interfere.
Get lost now.
posted by Solomon @ 1:02 AM
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