there is only one audience.

hmmmmm

2010-07-22T23:11:00.000+08:00

How are you going to help others when you are so torn and tattered yourself?

two cents ver.2

2010-05-23T01:04:00.005+08:00

Alright I didn't expect this coming, because I thought that this is going to be just another ESS.

No visitors; no converts; no blessings; no new revelations.

Boy was I wrong.

1530 HRS

Robin called and I was taking a nap. I was rather sick this few days so I thought I should just rest. He called to ask me for help to assist a sister's cg visitors of 5 guys. I was rather reluctant and pissed off because he disturbed my slumber. But being the nice guy I am, I readily agreed.

1745 HRS

Seated in Centrepoint's LJS. Just another simple, before-the-service-gathering. Same old faces; familiar faces and comfortable smiles. Eilton asked me how am I intending to share the Good News to the visitors. Uh oh. No template. But I managed to squeeze out my conversion story and witnesses of His great Deeds in my life. Praying hard about it. "God use me use me..." (you get the idea.)

1845 HRS

Walking around in the reception. Visitors not here yet. Round and round and round.. The anxiety levels flys, sky high..

2015 - 2100 HRS

The VIP-s arrived. They smoke when we first met. To me they look like the typical ah bengs. And for the service, they missed the PnW, and even drama! Quite wasted if you ask me. What's more, we only knew each other for around 1/2 hrs and you tell me to share the gospel? HELP!

Altar call. Anxious x 1000. Then God said that they are not here by chance. To me. I immediately shared to the guy beside me. To my surprise he is a Christian like myself.

My suspicion is confirmed when I see them mouth the Sinner's Prayer.

2200 - 2300 HRS

My attention was drawn to this guy which shall be name Jake. He is rather friendly, and yea, he smokes. He shared to me his job scope (which is a new 'student' at SCDF FYI), and about his adventures there. Further chatting revealed to me that he is the leader of the group of five, trying to influence his friends positively and leading them to God. He is even loving enough to give us the chicken rice that was ordered for them in the first place.

Do you even know how surprised I was? I was so grateful and amazed by the power of God, that He really chose the flawed vessels to do His mighty works. And through that, He is glorified.

People that smoke, so what. People that swear, so what? People that talk dirty stuff, so what? People chase for relationships, SO WHAT? Seriously..

It's like God has slapped me and say, "What are we, trying to be a Pharisee? You said, "You called THEM Christians? Aren't you even like that? Are you really any better?". Thoughts like this came into my mind.

The fact here is that we are all sinners. Sinners that fell tragically short of the perfect standard of heaven entry. We don't have the ticket to heaven. But Jesus came and gave those tickets, FOC, no strings attached. We are all sinners, whether do we smoke, swear, or blaspheme.

To tell you the truth, I am rather ashamed of my mentality. But I thank God for this amazing day, which seemed so normal, tranquil and peaceful, He transformed it into a day of overwhelming revelation that really made me bring home A WHOLE LOT of stuff. Stuffs that I couldn't learn by reading the Word on my own. Stuff that only the Spirit can reveal to me.

I really believe that this is really going to change me.

It's not really only about singing hymns; loving your cg mates; doing what your leaders tell you; or encouraging your boys when they need a pat on the shoulder; or about entertaining the fellow dancers with stupid dances.. It's about loving all kinds of people.. Because you came to love the sinners that You so loved..

I want to share this verse that came into my mind when I am typing this out, because I really hope that you readers will really benefit from this, but I think there are only a couple of you are even reading this, but meh.

Mark 2:15-17

15While Jesus was having dinner at Levi's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him.

¹⁶When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the "sinners" and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: "Why does he eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?"

¹⁷On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Thank You for giving me this opportunity to learn another bit of Your will. God, thanks for this. I really needed it. You were relevant, and You brought Yourself to their level.. And that's what exactly You showed me today.

And as of today, I quit my job as a 'Pharisee' and I will learn to love the people that are sinners. Because, You love them as much as You love the 'righteous'.

Praise the LORD!

two cents.

2010-04-29T23:06:00.002+08:00

"Happiness does not come from how much things are worth.

It is up to the heart of the one to receive it..."

绝望

2010-04-28T23:50:00.002+08:00

人有些时候

可能真的要倒下

才会在过程中成长

真的很累

有如绝望

blah

2010-04-20T03:13:00.002+08:00

but it was not your past that mattered

it's the present that matters

Taking goliaths down

2010-04-17T00:51:00.002+08:00

If my pains are going to be Your time to shine..

If my short comings are going to be Your masterpiece..

Flex those muscles that gives peace, paint those colours that covers my despair,

cover the mess that I screw up, I put my bet in You, because I know You put Your bet in me.

A powerless boy fighting thru seemingly impossible, towering odds.

Thru my circumstances, take credit and help me triumph. I know You will sweep Your hand

and the goliaths will fall, one by one.

Not by the might of my puny sling,

but the might of Your love.

A note

2010-04-15T13:31:00.002+08:00

In life we are tested by major changes, delayed promises, impossible problems, unanswered prayers, undeserved criticism, and even senseless tragedies. He tests faith through problems, hope by how we handle possessions, and love through people. Thank you for testing my character to reveal my weaknesses, prepare me for more responsibilities, and making every day and each second as a growth opportunity to deepen my character, demonstrate love, and to depend on you. During the last time between the last album, I am amazed by your beautiful, unending, persevering(the list will go on forever) love & because I learn something new from it everyday, & this is what I want to tell the world. I will sing of your love with every breath in me. Thank you father God. "You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you." -Isaiah 26:3

SNSD's Tiffany,

Excerpt,

letter from Oh!

In the beginning I started off liking SNSD because of another member(which is Jessica), but through countless hours of watching videos and listening to their songs, my attraction was drawn to this other lady in which she exhibit caring(and biblical) qualities amazingly surprising for a celeb to have. This other member of SNSD is none other than Tiffany.

I was flipping up other videos of theirs, like Hello Baby( a variety show, in which they act as moms to babysit a baby), Tiffany always has surprised me by showing care towards the baby in a passive (but very visible) way, as she as problems with babies, but we can see that she really loves the baby in her way.

What about her talk on the chat system at their fansite? Quoting biblical verses and pictures of her praying before performances, and lastly her letter, it makes me so amazed at her character that she is publicly announcing what is she singing for and her faith in God in so steadfast that despite what other thinks she post biblical advices on their fansite. Makes me realize that celebs are still human after all. And I do pray for her as well, as she prays for the multitudes of the fans as she ministers through her voice.

Now, this is what kind of qualities that I search for in my future spouse man. Come on, she's pretty , she's biblical.. well what more can you ask for?

One Audience

2010-04-10T23:44:00.002+08:00

The auditorium was empty.

He was sitting up there, watching.

As the dance started, He was applauding,

as if in approval and enjoyment.

He was watching the show in amusement,

that excitement so evident in Him.

When it was finished,

He said to me; "Good job, my child."

And that was all I can give,

my five loaves and two fishes.

It was everything I had at the moment.

But I know one day, He will make this few I have to become many.

The few that is humble and little,

to the many that can attract and feed people.

And for that reason,

we continue to dance.

Not for the crowd,

but for the One that is sitting there,

watching us always.

Jesus, light the way

2010-03-31T15:24:00.002+08:00

Will You call forth the light

as You did creation morn

It pierced right through the dark from heaven

Will you provide the pillar of fire

a compass for the desert times

Will You be my guide

He says

I will give you My life

Light the way in this heart of mine

Take away the darkness

Your Word is like a lamp unto my feet

I am saved because of You

A miracle is born within my soul

You are the light of the world

Will You shine the light

if I journey of my path

You take my blinded eyes and grant me sight

Will You come rescue me

if I'm trapped inside my plight

Will you be my Messiah

Light the way in this heart of mine

Take away the darkness

Your Word is like a lamp unto my feet

I am saved because of You

A miracle is born within my soul

You are the light of the world

One the night will pass away

Your light will shine always

Everything will be bright for all eternity

Day of Trial

2010-03-30T00:52:00.004+08:00

It's a day of trials..

Trial One: Sly stepped on my specs and made it crooked.

Trial Two: The pain that in my left thumb is telling me that it won't go away anytime soon.

Trial Three: My cap on Sly's head went into the water after a kick from me.

Trial Four: I kept screwing up thru the dance today.

Trial Five: I want to go home so badly.

Trial Six: The MRT door wont open.

Trial Seven: The guy in front of me got stuck at the ticketing gates...

And you get the idea.

Control.

Comrades

2010-03-29T01:01:00.003+08:00

Not a spirit of fear, but a Spirit of Sonship.

Facing our Goliaths head on, bravely,

with a divine Spirit guiding the our sword arm.

ouch

2010-03-23T23:43:00.001+08:00

The pancake that was intended to love became the weapon to harm instead.

I guess people never change after all.

The Seed

2010-03-22T01:19:00.004+08:00

Seed Camp 2010 was a blast, it really is.

God really used me and show me various signs of my innermost weaknesses and I can send His spirit stirring so powerfully in the tent.

The praise and worship was earthshaking. I can feel His immediate presence beside me when I was worshiping and signing hymns to Him. The teachings was like a pierce to my heart and a nail on the head. God pointed those issues that I need to immediately issue directly to me and that is fear. I refuse to be a seed planted on worrisome soil and I will not fear anything anymore.

I mean what's left to fear when our God is for you? Who can go against us when God is for us?

In Joshua 1:9 He has commanded Joshua to be strong and courageous thrice. And the triple affirmation definitely have to mean something. The Lord your God is with you every step you take, cross referencing to 2 chronicles 20:15, the Word says that the battle is not ours by the Lord's. No reason to be afraid. He has gone before us and won the victory. And all that's left is to accept the grace victory thru knowing Christ the King and thus being a co-heir in Christ!

The part that is the most fun is the Oddball Fiesta, in which we dress up in 'weird costumes'. I personally dressed up like a reaper. Imagine holding a scythe in public. After that was the most touching part was the affirmation part in which we gave Iheartyou stickers.

I really thank God for everything and more importantly everyone around me, especially Ephraim, Huimin and Sly. I thank Ephraim for his past kindness and patience towards me, Huimin for mowing my patience and her steadfastness in Christ, and Sly for ever being so encouraging and caring. These few months have been really really REALLY tough for me that it made me a spiritual bankrupt. But God's grace really is enough for me, and I drank from that well to the full with his invitation.

Right now, I am burning with spiritual energy and I want it to last. I really want to be the best version of walking bible for people to read, I might be their only bible in their entire life. I want to live out a life that is a worthy witness of Christ and I want to strive towards perfection. What Edison said was true, that no one gave us the right to stop being perfect since we can't be perfect. True we can't be perfect but we love God, so we strive towards Christ-likeness, aka perfection.

Before I go to sleep, I want to to encourage my readers with this verse, which is the Word that God spoke so truly and divinely into my heart.

1 John 4:18a (NLT) - Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear.

But He told me not to fear. He told me to be strong and courageous. He told me that this battle He has won and I am co-victors with Him and His mighty hand. As said in 1 Corinthians 9:27, I am going to beat my body and make it my slave so that I won't be DQ-ed for the prize which I really am working hard for now. I mean who likes to get out of their comfort zone. I believe no one likes it.

Ultimately, what Jesus said was so true, that we need to do everything in order to stop sin from invading our soul, in Mark 9:47, saying if our left eye causes us to sin, then pluck it out then throw it away? For the sake of following Christ, I threw everything aside, and I am not gonna let anybody stop me now. Jesus, He really deserve much more than my current, self-conceited attitude. He deserves my ultimate dance moves and my whole devotion.

And I really pray that this realization and burst of spiritual overflow retains in my spirit so that I can do His work and to love people. I haven't been really loving people and I guess I need to get a start. But why not start now. Let's start now. Repent now, change now, apologize now, fast now, pray now and thru the seed that is buried in the soil and died, God will definitely make it multiply and grow into something far greater. The mustard seed is small, but it will not remain small. From the smallest seed it will grow into the largest tree; to impact the landscape with it's shade; and birds roost on the branches for rest, and to multiply with it's fruits and the fruit's many many seeds.

I want to be that kind of seed. The seed that fell on good soil, which requires three attributes which spawns from humility, which is openness, obedience and faithfulness. To love and not to judge, to love the unlovable, and to live a disciplined life where my yes be yes and no's be no's.

No boundaries

2010-03-16T01:55:00.002+08:00

With every step you climb another mountain

Every breath it's harder to believe

You'll make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes

To get to that one thing

Just when you think the road is getting nowhere

Just when you almost gave up your dreams

They take you by the hand and show that you that you can

There are no boundaries

I'm just not giving up yet.

声东击西

2010-03-14T21:27:00.002+08:00

没想到我也有今天

En garde

2010-03-10T01:07:00.003+08:00

If you wanna steal..

then all I have to do is to take it back from you.. by force if needed.

If you wanna kill..

then all I have to do is to raise that shield of faith.

If you wanna destroy..

then all I have to do is to wipe you out first with the sword.

Hear me, you denizens of the unseen world.

If its a war you want, then its a war you have.

-Solomon enters the battlefield

and yep I think I can say it again.. without love we are all bankrupt..

Change

2010-03-07T02:18:00.002+08:00

Now you know that I was never good at saying goodbyes.

P.S. I hated changes, ever since you first said gotta go.

escape..

2010-03-05T02:12:00.001+08:00

no courage.

i really feel like running away,

if i had the option to..

alas,

i don't..

hmmmmmmm

2010-03-04T01:03:00.004+08:00

I'm not happy with my current level of spirituality AT ALL.

Need a breakthrough soon.

-and I know that dreams are not suspended on silver wings...but just a hop from where you are if you are willing to take the jump..

Beauty

2010-03-01T00:13:00.002+08:00

I seriously think beauty comes from the soul, not the face anymore.

Fear of the Lord is beauty itself. A God honouring woman will leak beauty out of her soul.

WWJD

2010-02-22T00:32:00.004+08:00

I guess I understood just a slight bit of how You felt when those sinners refuse to accept You, even when You humbly came down to the earth You created to save them when I tried to love those that has been giving me tons and tons of troubles.

For a second, I felt like giving up in loving those people. Seriously.

But You said to me instead, make every excuse to perform intentional love, to each and everyone.

(What Would Jesus Do) WWJD? He will fight and fight till the end, to perform that love. Yes, we should love the sinners and hate the sin instead. Jesus would go into the sinner's house to preach.

Indeed, Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13)

Happy Valentine's Day

2010-02-15T00:15:00.003+08:00

It's been a full year since our last date.

Getting a bit nostalgic down here..

I can still remember your face in the cinema.

I remembered the huge bouquet I was carrying,

dripping droplets and droplets of water on my shoe.

I remembered that i skipped bboy class because of our date.

I remembered that I was praying to a nameless God then.

I didn't know his name then.

I was praying and praying, asking him to let us come together,

in faith going against the impossible.

I remembered you asked me; "Are you praying?"

I'd say yes, now.. But who was I praying to then?

A nameless God..

Your rejection made me understood that nothing else in this world can make me happy,

not even you, the ex-'girl of my dreams', cute, bimbotic, dancer..

You used to be everything that I wanted in my partner.

But I now know that those things no longer make me happy..

The next day,

His messenger came knocking on my house..

After hours over hours of talk,

I agreed to know this nameless God.

His name is Jesus.

Happy Valentine's Day, Jesus.

It's been a full year.

15 Feb 2009 - 15 Feb 2010.

The barricade

2010-02-14T01:29:00.002+08:00

Only in the darkest does the candle shines the brightest..

Conquer your demon, break the barricade.. Let's survive.

Amidst the chaos

2010-02-08T19:23:00.003+08:00

Amidst the chaos, I forgot how to love.

I'd rather choose not to fight this kind of war

But Your will be done, not mine.

And Your miracles still happen day after day,

those that happen to others,

edifies me as well as themselves.

God give me a heart to hear Your word.

Get me through this chaotic week and let not fatigue get it's hold on me.

Open the gates of heaven and let Your wisdom and courage flow.

Amen and amen.

Three years..

2010-02-04T01:49:00.002+08:00

Three years have passed since I first entered SP.

My first batch of classmates are graduating too.. but I'm not.

Well I can think back on my first day what happened,

I was with Joseph, and the class was full of aliens,

and I remembered I was complaining about the lack of girls(LOL).

But the people in that class was very warm towards me(at least compared to my current classmates), they really will talk to you and make you as a friend, that includes Manfred, Xiuling, and Jingyi most importantly.

I remembered I'd have a mini crush on the latter as well, despite her being the dullest among the girls but hey, it doesn't really matter on your looks right?

Subsequently I retained and I never got the chance to see them anymore as they went for attachment.. And I didn't really talked to them even after they came back.

I guess all of them changed.. Some became more pretty and some of them are still jokers as ever. But you see, this feels like the last week of sch in a japanese drama, that people are creating their final pieces of memories, and I am adding a leg into my final memories with a dear friend(-ed).

I'd say that I'll probably miss them next year though their impact on my life was minimal, but I'd say that their class was probably the best class I have gone to despite being there for only a short 6 months.

Thank you guys.

I pray that all of you will graduate happily and may God bless you all with a bright future ahead.

I guess that's probably the only thing that I can do for them..

Drastic Measures

2010-01-28T22:11:00.003+08:00

God,

I just wanna admit and proclaim that You are bigger and greater than all the problems and burdens I'm carrying on my back. You are more powerful and more important in my life than those stupid problems that I had been magnifying.

But from today onwards, I want to magnify You and I am gonna ignore all of those problems, teach me how to walk by faith, and not to be blinded by the limited future that is overwhelming me. God I pray that Your mercy be revealed. Teach me how to guard my heart and give me a discerning heart to be able to see Your will and Your mighty and full plan for me, because I know the life I am walking isn't the life You want me to lead. Wash me clean again and teach me Your ways again.

I want to love You, not myself.

Take the throne, oh Jesus, my King.

Amen.

The Prophecy

2010-01-24T02:24:00.002+08:00

'Imagine yourself walking upon the street, staring upon the sky when you walk towards your dance school for dance class. When you reached the class, you said hi to the many friends that you've made in your journey as God's dancer. One day, a guy came up and asked you; 'Hey man, I like the way you dance, how did you dance like that? And on a side note, I noticed that when you dance I always see you looking at the sky.' And you replied, 'Because I dance for the One that I love, the One that lives above the sky.'

'And the next thing you know, you invited that particular friend for service, and he lives as a servant for Christ, a dancer of Christ from that day onwards. The fun didn't stop there. That friend brought along his own dancer mates into service, and they all converted! You find yourself leading a group of dancers, and you guys interact using dance moves. '

'That's for you, believe it.'

This was what my leader saw in vision making, and he saw me in this picture in CG, lead by the Holy Spirit to prophesy over me. Initially I thought of this that was impossible, that how could I get that great in dance to attract that much attention; and how the heck am I able to lead a group of talented dancers?

Well I failed to look at the big picture. Pastor was saying something about the book of Nehemiah and the ignition words she said was '10 years'. And I thought of it, 'yea, now of course cannot la, but 5 years later sure can!'. Yes! I can see myself in this vision! And I was happy to see that God indeed has a plan to prosper me, more importantly I can see him affirming my decision in dancing for him because I find myself absolutely talent-less in dance but I guess abilities don't matter to him at all. All that matters to him is your faith in him.

King David didn't care about how many soldiers there are on his side, the winning key was God's presence with him. Apart from him, David know he could do nothing. Apart from him, I know I can do nothing after all.

God,

I thank you for your prophetic word. You know I long for Your affirmation and You have gave me just that, that what I am doing now is something that You want me to do, not because of my own wants. I just pray that You will continue to supply the strength and provisions I need in this battle we are all fighting, I pray that You will protect everyone of my comrades, give them the strength to fight on and do what's correct and pleasing in Your eyes. We know that we will still fail you even if we try our best, but we will work towards Your kingdom's cause, because we are no longer slaves to sin - we are now slaves, sold to righteousness, to toil endlessly and willingly for Your kingdom's cause. Let our fire burn strong and our river flows powerfully, and keep us going when we fall down. Amen.

The Shield

2010-01-21T22:00:00.006+08:00

If,

as a man,

you fail to protect what you want to protect,

and the cause is because of your own ignorance,

you will learn to feel what I am exactly feeling right now.

The king's shield became his sword,

and what once was meant to be protected became endangered.

A mortem dance with the Enemy,

thinking that he was a friend.

When the chariots were all gone,

what the king learnt was,

that the shield that you meant for defence,

can be doubled as the edge of a sword as well.

just being random..

2010-01-18T16:19:00.001+08:00

You will never know how important something/someone is unless you lose it.

Point taken.

I feel like a cornered beast right now.

But I hate it..

2010-01-07T22:41:00.002+08:00

I guess you wasn't that ultimate girl that I have coveted so long after all.

Too different had my tastes changed and I guess that your spell finally broke it's control over me - - -

But I hate it.......

Then I remembered,

reading the bible;

attending church;

and being an officer in a christian club;

that isn't what it takes to be a christian.

It's all about a relationship with Him,

but why,

do you lower yourself like that?

Why do you say stuff like that,

why do you say stuff like you have zero dignity,

and make yourself sound so loose?!

I DON'T EVER THINK THAT BEST FRIENDS CAN HOLD HANDS

and there you are saying that it's hot.

And it's exactly 'christians' like you that degrades the name of Christ..

I know I had let you go, but even so, it hurts me when I see you talk like this.

And I hate it.

New Year Resolutions

2009-12-29T00:52:00.004+08:00

# 10 - I want to take stewardship of my wallet.

I feel that I am so broke always recently. It is time to take some administrative measures to my wallet..

#9 - I want to spend adequate time with my family.

This is something that I have ALWAYS neglected. But I won't neglect it for anymore longer..

#8 - I want to learn how to love people equally.

I love but I tend to love people more depending on how close they are to me. I want to learn to love them all the same with the same intensity as I love a loved one.

#7 - I want to learn to spend time with my caregroup/my outside friends equally.

I neglected my pre believer friends too much ever since I came to church. I think it is really bad to neglect them so much that they say: "I'm so surprised that you are the one that is organizing the event."

#6 - I want to love the people around me more.

To accept them and love them regardless of who they are.. That's real love.

#5 - I wanna bring my family to know God!

Self explanatory..

#4 - I want to dance with conviction and without fear in my heart for God.

This self inferiority complex had been plaguing me for too long, but I believe with God's help He will help me over come. God I wanna be a great bboy.. I like bboy more than other genres leh..

#3 - Get rid of this envy and pride problem in my heart.

This issue attacks me out of nowhere.. And I don't even have a chance to react at times. I really pray that God will lead me out of it. I don't want to depend on anyone for change. Cause I know You want me to rely on You.

#2 - I want to live a life that is pleasing to You.

Self explanatory.

#1 - The conviction to 'Tell the world that Jesus lives'

Yea, the conviction to. I need to pray more for this courage. I know how good You have been in my life, and I want the whole world to know that You're so good, the best gift I ever received.

yea goodnight friends.

..

2009-12-24T00:19:00.001+08:00

God, can you tell me what are you trying to pull? What are you trying to do by letting that ass attack us so hard in this period of time? Are You listening? If so can You do something about it?

more randoms

2009-12-20T14:49:00.001+08:00

'You will never be strong as long as you consider yourself weak.'

Cleo,

Suikoden 1

Wedding Dress..

2009-12-14T02:50:00.002+08:00

~Wedding Dress~
By Taeyang

Some say it's not over 'till it's over
Guess this is really over now
There's something I gotta say before I let you go
Listen

When you have a fight with him
Sometimes you cry
And feel sad and blue
I become hopeful
My heart aches secretly
Then just a hint of your smile
Can make me feel fine again
To keep you from figuring out how I feel about you
Coz then we would drift apart
I hold my breath, bite my lips
Oh, please leave him and come to me

Baby, please don’t take his hand
Coz you should be my lady
I've been waiting for you for so long
Please look at me now

When the music starts
You will vow to spend
The rest of your life with him
How I prayed every night
This day would never come

The wedding dress you're wearing
It's not me (it should've been me)
Oh, the wedding dress you’re wearing, oh, no

You never knew how I felt about you
And I hated you so
Sometimes I wished you would be unhappy

Now I have no more tears left to cry
When I’m by myself I talk to you like you're here
I’ve felt so restless every night
Maybe I’ve known all along this would happen
I close my eyes and dream an endless dream
Please leave him and come to me

Baby, don’t take his hand when he comes to you
Coz you should be my lady
I've been waiting for you for so long
Look at me now

When the music starts
You will vow to spend
The rest of your life with him
How I prayed every night
This day would never come

The wedding dress you're wearing
It's not me (next to you)
Oh, the wedding dress you’re wearing, oh, no

Please be happy with him
So that I can forget you
Please forget how miserable I looked
It's going to be unbearably hard for me
For a long while to come

No, oh

For such a long time
I lived in an illusion like a fool
She is still smiling
So brightly at me

The wedding dress you're wearing
It's not me (next to you)
Oh, the wedding dress you’re wearing, oh, no

oh my.........
the emotion just oozes out of this one!
CAN'T STAND IT!!!!!!!

I wanna learn..........!

..

2009-12-05T11:13:00.002+08:00

Need to find a way to break free before it climbs up to my soul and making everything wrong again. God please give a way to get of this like you've always did.

But this time for good please.

ROAR!

Thank You List

2009-12-04T01:53:00.005+08:00

Ok this reminds me of PX's birthday a couple of years ago but anyways;

here's a list of those who have sent their kind regards:

2 Dec 2009

2357 - Ethan DY

2359 - Andy Lim

3 Dec 2009

0001 - Settler's Jonathan

0005 - Rayson

0007 - Zarra

0011 - Chia How

0018 - Jess

0032 - Jolene Lau

0055 - Benjamin Chan

0101 - Clement (B-boy)

0104 - John Zhou

0120 - Allen Song Wei

0127 - Hathaway

0134 - Ren Mao

0202 - Lance

0642 - Yang Shan

0816 - Samuel (SP)

0935 - Mei Hwa

1023 - Yi Ling

1109 - Ying Duan

1114 - Jellyline

1207 - Yi Mian

1351 - Alvin Chan

1421 - Elephant

1710 - Mickey Andy

1714 - Mabel

1831 - Saw Bian

And also thanks to Cheryl, Sis, Esmund, Thomas Li, Mazlin, even PX(omg), Christina, Victor Huang, Braynard, Jian Feng, Cedric, and Toh Jun Hao.

Special to mention here is Mom.

She sent a text in chinese saying 'son,happy birthday'.

My tears welled up immediately when I saw that text man.

Really want to thank the caregroup too,

especially Jelly, despite having dance and no money,

she took the cab down to rush my birthday present;

Rex, having work and rushing down,

and I probably know that all of you are busy though, but you all made time!

Thank God for you all; Donald, Edison, Rex, Robin, Alan, Ethan, Luke, Augustine, Bing Hong and John Zhou.

Seriously,

this is the best birthday I ever had.

Despite being.. quite disturbed at something..

(P.S. I love the wallet.)

Praise the Lord!

Birthday Resolutions

2009-12-03T00:08:00.002+08:00

Omg the first one to wish call me happy birthday is that somebody with a name starting with a Z.

AND THAT's surprising.

Regardless I wanna thank God today, my dad brought me a new phone, heh.

I guess this should be the best birthday I ever had though, cause I had peace.

And that is really the most important thing mortals can ask for.

As for this year, it's my first birthday with God.

I really want to grow to be more alike Him,

especially in the area of wisdom.

I really believe that holy wisdom is the source of godliness.

1 Kings 3:9, aka Solomon's Prayer:

'So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong.'

Alright thanks all for those who have wished,

and for those who have not,

try again next year :D

Out of the fire and into the frying pan..

2009-11-24T23:48:00.002+08:00

And I thought I was out of the fire, but now I am in the frying pan.

I feel that I am taking this 'Advanced Living with God' course and it's getting so hard.

It's not like any super damn hard choreography; it's like some inhuman waltz, and I dunno how am I going to bang my way out of this.

When I try to look for refuge You just shoot things out of nowhere,

taking me so by the surprise;

yet dropping me hints and advice that You're actually there.

So what's up? What are You trying to say?

You with me? Or are You against me?

I know so clearly that You ARE with me.

But why are You so soft spokened now?

You used to talk so loud and Your word is like so obvious to do;

why are You now whispering like a mouse squeeking?

But I still hear You, it doesn't matter.

I'm clinging to that bit of flotsam in the deluge;

I never realized that my secret weapon will be totally useless nowadays;

it just seems that the world is blown off my feet.

Damn sick. And damn tiring.

Yet I know that You're the only one that knows all these pain;

You know what is hiding inside.

God,

You're great, I know and I agree.

So give this struggle the ending day it deserves.

Let You be my hope.

Please.

Battlefield battlefield battlefield

2009-11-22T00:47:00.001+08:00

I never meant to start a war but it just keeps happening and only God knows why.

Solomon and Me

2009-11-20T00:48:00.003+08:00

As Zhong Sheng, I will probably choose to run away from THESE kind of things.

But as Solomon, I choose to face it and I refuse to give in.

The comforting thing about it all is that God is dropping me various hints that He really IS beside me. Supporting me. Carrying me when I am too tired to move.

As Solomon, I choose to face it.. no matter how hard it seems to be,

no matter how hopeless it seems to be, I am putting my bet on You,

my Lord, my Kinsman-redeemer.

Picking up the cross

2009-11-19T00:46:00.003+08:00

I think I never knew what it meant by carrying my cross and follow You;

and I never had imagined that after our 'honeymoon' period things will get THIS tough.

But I guess You still planned a way out; you put Andy there for a reason..

And that talk wakes me up.

舞少了灵魂就不是舞了.

It's just not the time to get discouraged.

2009-11-15T21:25:00.004+08:00

Just wanna say that I want to take pride and ownership in this dance ministry which I have been called by Him to do so.

To be labourers in this building project of His, build from nothing but dust,

but Lord, even dust belongs to you! You've already given us the materials to do so.

We just need to persevere on.

Everyone is doing their part to glorify God with their assigned tasks.

Just need to continue to stay strong and firm with Red-sea faith,

healthy prayer life and oh yes fasting as well.

Just wanna thank a few of the heroes in my life for the week,

Jey : Told me that he had a vision of the dance ministry doing a performance on the level like Last for One ( a very sick b-boying team from korea). That really encourages me so much.

Eph : For always being there and providing cold, hard facts to my situation, in order to make me grow.

Jellyline : Although at times i feel really unworthy and engulfed by envy, i am grateful for you for always watching my back in the battlefield although i always fail to notice. Really thank God for you.

And the list continues..

But I wanna thank God the most because I know He has gone ahead and make a way for me.

That calms me down although I always lose my cool when I go into the battlefield.

I need to really learn how to look upon you and FOCUS upon you at all times.

I just want to pray for courage and confidence in You as I fight for this last 2 weeks,

but I probably already know that Your plans are not ending here;

I know You have harder tasks for me to do.

But even so I want to be content in Your leading in any circumstances, I don't care where you wanna bring me to, I just wanna follow You.

I really want to learn to deny myself more and more as I continue in this battle.

And I know that You're here, so make the sun stand still again like You've did in the battle in the valley of Aijalon.

We'll never fight alone.

my mind's made up

2009-11-12T21:37:00.002+08:00

Time to do impossible things, for the God of impossibles..

Just as Joshua lead the 2 million strong Israelites to battle in the Promised Land;

a normal human, not even a leader; but Joshua succeeded because God was with him all along..

Leading 40 people can't be that hard compared to 2 million..

Just need You to be with me, all distractions be gone..

Joshua 1:9 (NLT) - This is my command: be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. FOr the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

My mind's made up.

blah

2009-11-10T10:11:00.003+08:00

I just realized that you still have that ability to make me smile with your stupid voice despite all that time that has passed.

stupid witch, stupid witch

oh my darling, oh my dance

2009-11-06T01:02:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I don't understand,

why am I still doing this.

As in,

why am I still dancing.

Oh dance, what really are you to me?

- a tool to impress?

- a tool to express?

- a tool for social links?

- interest?

- fame?

- show?

I never really like it before.

Was it to impress, or to express?

For people with envy/pride issues, it only serves to further aggravate the situation..

At times,

I get so engaged in that lust for human affirmation that I forgot who I was dancing for.

Just so.. just so craving for that bit of praise; just so wanting for that second of recognition.

Dance; I never wanted to bring you over from her era.

That episode is long over..

But God,

I still don't completely understand why are You letting me do this,

I know that You know that it's a critical and blind spot of mine;

You know I learn slowly;

You know I don't like to show myself in alternate ways contrary to my real self...

I can't even do anything correct, and I learn so slowly, so why did You choose me to be what they called a 'stage minister'?

It's a mask that I need to wear everyday.. A false persona.

But yes, Jeremiah 29:11 never fails to fall from my head,

'For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.'

But at times, I just lose my vision.

My ultimate destination.

Living in this world is sickening.

Everyday is a constant battle and I can't let loose,

the moment I do so, I fall, and I don't even realize it.

Till then,

I will be content in Your leading.

Lead me to wherever You want me to go;

let my guard be stronger....

and tomorrow,

it's time for the dance; that I am leading.

I know I am weak, but the ultimate Choreographer behind the scenes is You.

Let Your Spirit flow through my limbs, and let Your charisma fill my mouth.

I pray all of this in Jesus' most precious name,

Amen.

It's not the time for you to interfere.

Get lost now.

not meant to be

2009-11-05T00:47:00.002+08:00

oh,

it's like,

one step forward and two steps back,

and no matter what I do you're always mad,

and I can't change your minddddddd

oh,

it's like,

trying to turn around on a one way street,

I can't give you what you want and it's killing me,

and I, I'm starting to see

maybe we're not meant to be

wahhaha

2009-11-03T23:40:00.002+08:00

Just really wanna give thanks to God for His protection today.

Oh my I am so damn proud of myself, despite today being a day full of temptations but I never for a second renounced Him. I held firm in my stand. Lemme explain.

1st battle : Pon-ten

-Lunch time. Gang and I went to eat, after went to library.
-Library. Gang borrowed TWO blu-ray discs and went slacking in media room. Uhoh. (sure jabo)
-Time for lesson. Gang really wanna pon ten. But I went to class anyways.

2nd battle : Pon-ten episode 2

- Class was.. boring to the core. Can't stop snoozing.
-ZL was ranting to go home cause it's gonna rain. Then PL came and ask us to pon together.
-Refused to pon steadfastly, and all of us didn't pon in the end. Great!

3rd battle: A (seemingly)Hopeless Fight

-Time was 5pm. Going to meet my worst nightmare. Super scared.
-Kept praying and praying not to fall into a trap like a fly swatting into a spider's web.
-Time was 7pm. Still waiting for her to come. Continuing to pray and praise God.
-Minutes later she came. As short as ever, however not as cute(dunno why).
-Came close, but I shunned(I AM DAMN SCARED WHENEVER SHE DOES THAT I TELL YOU).
-Thought I'd go home with a few (mental)blisters and scars, but ended the day relatively unharmed. It's a battle well fought.

-BUT, like hm says; if I gonna meet her more, then this is only the beginning.

The war continues..

"Darkness have to be present for light to shine."

i don't understand

2009-10-27T22:39:00.009+08:00

I don't understand why is it that you never know that I am talking about you in my personal message despite being DEAD obvious who is it actually

Stupid stupid loser!

you stupid witch

2009-10-25T23:52:00.003+08:00

Yuck.

I absolutely HATE vivo's rooftop.

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE!

And when I saw those halloween hats that are on sale,

i was reminded of a stupid witch.

With a name that chills to my very bones;

that's the very spell that she had casted on me;

a sentence to remember her when I walk through vivo's rooftop;

reminding me of a kid that splashes her legs in the water..

Damn you stupid witch.

Faith

2009-10-18T00:59:00.003+08:00

I don't have because I didn't ask,

I asked but yet I didn't receive. (James 4:2)

Yet I asked and believed faithlessly,

and that is why You refused to give. (Matthew 21:22)

It might be as simple as speaking the truth;

it might be as straightforward as proclaiming what you believe in,

I need to learn to believe my prayers will come true with that critical ingredient called "faith" -

only then can I claim Your promises as You always promised.

I thank you my Lord.

I was blind but now I see.

I used to hate but now I love.

I used to recieve but never give.

You are the one who taught me all these things - and giving me a place to belong.

I don't want to hide You in my cabinet anymore,

bring the candle to shine in this world; with everybody blinded by the deciever,

I want to speak with "faith" that I believe;

teaching all that You taught.

tell me tell me

2009-10-08T01:32:00.003+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpcDPr6b5o4&feature=PlayList&p=9B2DECA90238DB50&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=2

I swear if I ever get this dance out I will post at my blog for you lucky people that are reading.

random part 2

2009-09-24T22:01:00.003+08:00

Women can really do an extreme makeover when they doll themselves up..

Previously girls that are very ordinary can become noticeable and even pretty when they make and dress up.

- Solomon the Wise

slow me down

2009-09-14T12:34:00.002+08:00

Rushing and racing

and running in circles

Moving so fast, I'm forgetting my purpose

Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning

Getting nowhere

My head and my heart are colliding, chaotic

Pace of the world

I just wish I could stop it

Try to appear like I've got it together

I'm falling apart

Save me

Somebody take my hand, and lead me

Slow me down

Don't let love pass me by

Just show me how

'Cause I'm ready to fall

Slow me down

Don't let me live a lie

Before my life flies by

I need you to slow me down

Parable of the Green Light

2009-09-09T13:11:00.004+08:00

I was walking home with a particular sister yesterday,
and when we arrived at the traffic light; it was red,
and when it turned green, I took flight and cross the road.

She then said; 'Why do you want to cross the road the instant the light turns green?',
'Why not observe the surroundings for a second?'

Me: "Is this considered a parable?"

I then found out that I was always rushing and being in a hurry about everything.
Not even giving myself as much as a breather in between.
Because time was always so limited.

Well, it might be very well right that we as human beings rush around too much.
Especially as a child of God.
When you have to juggle between ministry and work,
time becomes so limited; and rest time is almost non-existent.
But praise God!

He's always here with us!
I was reminded intensely of my favourite passage(not verse) in the Word;
the title is called, "Jesus calms the storm".

Jesus Calms the Storm

Matthew 8:23-27
Mark 4:35-41
Luke 8:22-25

(Matthew 8:23-27)
23Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him.

24Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping.

25The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!"

26He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

27The men were amazed and asked, "What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!"

Our lives are just the same as this story.
The waves of discontent and trials always come trashing at the deck.

We then start to doubt whether is God slacking somewhere in a heavenly lounge or just forgotten about us. But nope. He is always looking at us during our trials.

I was reminded of this verse, from my favourite christian song, 'Still';
Psalms 46:10 - "Be still, and know that I am God;"

We all know that life is like a rushing train; especially in this 'stress-enriched' society,
we rush here and there every single moment,
always trying to meet deadlines and trying to squeeze the most out of every minute we have,
at time forsaking sleep, living on borrowed time..

But rejoice! The Lord is here for us in the valley of death!
At times we just need to chill and stop rushing; because human minds have limits.

At times we should just unwind, "be still", and know that the our God is a mighty God.

Embrace your dreams

2009-09-07T09:21:00.003+08:00

You have to laugh and find humor every day.

You've got to have a dream.

When you lose your dreams, you die.

And this morning I was doing my same old task of walking down the mundane street to work;
to tell you the truth,
even after 6 months I still don't_like_that_feeling_of_waking_up_so_early_in_the_morning.

As I boarded the train and got off my station,
I went down to the bus stop waiting for the bus that brings me to work;
the same old bus with about a kazillion of people packed in that around 3m long cabin.

As I sat on the bus(yeah there's a seat for me, praise God), I whipped out my ASD, aka PSP, I begun to play my game which is so amazingly hard because of how far I got in my game.

Then the dialogue reminded me of something,
that man can't live without dreams;
dreams will not be mere dreams as long as we keep working for it.

Without dreams we die,
because we have no expectations of the future.

And on that note,
I'll end with what I learned from Crisis Core,
in which Angeal(a character) said to to the protogonist;

"Embrace your dreams."

to forget you..

2009-08-27T10:07:00.005+08:00

This little paragraph that I read somewhere describes everything that I want to say:

To forget you: That is the most impossible thing to do.

To forget is just an interpretation.

An immeasurable love’s memories can never be wiped off.

Time doesn’t devour memories:

It just slowly, painfully converts it into fragments of a dream. ...

Indeed.

Quite damn true.

I don't ever think I can forget you anyways.

Blah whatever la la la la la

'Doubt and Trust'

2009-08-26T17:13:00.014+08:00

<Pokemon rangers>

<Happy Family>

Zidane: Because the others believe in me, I cannot lose.

*Kuja begins to fade.*

Zidane: Hey, Kuja...

Zidane: Is it so hard for you to believe in others?

Kuja: Believing in others... And becoming what!?

Kuja: Do you gather in groups... because you can't accomplish anything by yourself?

Zidane: Having faith in others will show you your own path.

Quite true.

Is it so hard to believe in others?

I think not.

Before I knew it,

I trusted you people,

knowing that people are just gonna fail me someday..

But that's the beauty of it.

Because life is too much fun here..

compared to the past, of 'POINTLESS WANDERING'..

Zidane: "I have people who believe in me..."

Zidane: "That's why I can face anything that comes my way."

I am..

Not the old me anymore.

No longer pointless wandering in the world,

flipping around in it's darkness and evil.

I am..

Yours..

Because You took me in,

into a world of light and rainbows..

P.S. God uses human factors to produce spiritual results. That include games. See?

dancing to eternity

2009-08-25T15:34:00.004+08:00

my moves might be slow
my moves might be unclean

but i know of the value of eternity that lies with You
and thus my decision to persevere on in the times of testing

dancing with You, is far better than dancing alone.
make me improve, make my reflexes faster,
make my courage soar high like eagle wings,
make my fear dissolve into perfect love,

as i set my eyes upon You..

1 John 4:18 - There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.

stupid balloons

2009-08-20T17:52:00.010+08:00

(Click on the picture to see the convo)

Something in this picture tells me that I am not over you yet, but oh well, what to do?

Stupid balloons. Damn. Damn. Damn.

She's still freaking cute as before.

You never fail to make me come back wanting more and more when you do stupid actions like that..

in times of trials

2009-08-17T22:37:00.003+08:00

I never knew that I would be so troubled to tears by these relationships that are NOT of BGRs.
I can't believe it. This must be the first time.

Sorry Daddy I ran from dance.
I'm really afraid.
And I'm afraid that nobody knows how afraid I am.

But You knew.
You know I'm bad with girls.
You know I'm afraid of performing in front of people.
You know how weak I am.
Only You knew..

But it as also You who said that; it is the weak that needs a doctor;
Daddy, I am weak, You know that too,
and you know how much I need You in this dark times..

But when the oceans rise and thunder roars
I chose to soar by You about the storm
because Father You're King over the flood.

Well anyway I was at facebook looking around and I did this quiz..
And this result is exactly the reason why I feel in love with.. with.. with 'Z***'

Somewhere between all our laughs, long talks, stupid little fights and all our jokes,
I fell in love.

Well, I'll just pray that whatever is ailing her will be gone immediately.
And I'll just pray that she will remain strong and seek Daddy!

Life is a barrage of trials, for both you and me;
but the love of God is always there despite it..

1 Peter 1:6a -7 => though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.

These have come so that your faith - of which greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed,

In Jesus' name,

Amen!

........

2009-08-16T19:14:00.000+08:00

damn it, what's wrong with me?

why can't I stop thinking about all the evil things?

why can't I trust you people?

Oh man, God, Jesus,

please stop me from feeling this way..

Dance Aug 13

2009-08-13T23:25:00.000+08:00

I feel like I know you from another life

And it makes me wish I wasn't so pressed by time

I can't catch my breath cause you take it away

The best writer in town could not find words to say

How there's so many things I want to get to know

I wish that I could stay but I got to go

P.S. Deep inside me there's a tug-of-war competition, particpants : my old self, and God.

Majestic..

2009-08-09T01:26:00.000+08:00

Today is a very fulfilling day!
And I really believe that God is smiling all along today upon Nexus Auditorium,
when He see all of us hunting for ministry to serve Him!

I can't stop praising You,
I just can't stop singing to You,
I just can't fathom how many other wonders You're gonna show me,

and You guided me through that 'land' when I only knew that I could do nothing..
but Your hand fought with me, Your Word was like a path to my feet.

And I know that You're gonna show me more and more,
more as I keep giving myself more and more to You..
Show me more of You, and let me be secure in You.

You're just so great..
And I never realized that..
But when I'm at the weakest, that's when I'm strongest, because at that time You're the closest to me.

And I now have the spirit and the pride in calling myself a Christian,

even when people says Christians are old fashioned and having many rules to follow,

You're the one true way, and You're that small gate that lends to heaven..

Oh Lord, Our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth
Oh Lord, Our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth
The heavens declare Your greatness
The oceans cry out to You
The mountains, they bow down before You
So I'll join with the earth and I'll give my praise to You

Oh Lord, Our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth
Oh Lord, Our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth
The heavens declare Your greatness
The oceans cry out to You
The mountains, they bow down before You
So I'll join with the earth and I'll sing...
The heavens declare Your greatness
The oceans cry out to You
The mountains, they bow down before You
So I'll join with the earth and I'll give my praise to You

The building of the wall

2009-08-07T10:13:00.003+08:00

Luke 9:24-25 -

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?

Psalm 127:1

Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over

the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.

Matthew 7:24-27

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.

The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.

But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.

The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.

Father

Let's build the wall together

A wall built on rock

not on sand..

so that no one can blow it away..

ever ever again.

just a little too not over you

2009-08-05T22:55:00.002+08:00

Judging by the way I react and how I responded to you..
Judging by the way I shivered when I read through our past dialogues..
Judging by the burn I felt when I see your face..

I guess..
I'm just a little too not over you.
But I don't wanna go back anymore, never, and that's all I really know.

Guess it's just isn't time to talk to you yet.
RAR RAR RAR ROARRRRRRR!

Sigh.

ta luo pai

2009-08-05T16:54:00.007+08:00

Was browsing CARM as usual and I bumped into a topic that reminds me of a 'cute little witch' wearing a 'pink shoelaced witchy hat'.

Deut. 18:10-12, "Let no one be found among you who sacrifices his son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells,
or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead.
Anyone who does these things is detestable to the LORD…"

The Bible definitely speaks negatively about occultic practices, spirits, and witches
and condemns not only the practice but also the people who are involved in it.

As Christians, we are to have nothing to do with the occult. Tarot Cards, contacting the dead, lucky charms, etc., are all unbiblical and can harm a Christian's fellowship with God and open the Christian to demonic oppression.

http://www.carm.org/questions/other-questions/where-did-halloween-come-can-christian-celebrate-it

Solomon says :

No wonder she used to get SO freaking worked up whenever I fiddled with my tarot cards.
Now I understand.
Blah.

dance

2009-08-05T10:46:00.002+08:00

Dance is not gonna be a form of leisure anymore.

It's more like.... A duty now.

It's more like.... A responsibility now.

Feelings

2009-08-02T20:22:00.000+08:00

He didn't say, 'If you love me, you will feel warm, cascading sensations of religious emotion."
Instead He said, 'If you love me, you will obey what I command.' (John 14:15).

And we all know that what we call 'feelings' are unstable paths to follow,
because our emotions changes.

Instead,
if we DO follow want to God,
'he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me' (Matthew 16:24).

If we DO love him,
we will obey his commands.

Feelings are redundant here.

First Steps

2009-08-02T02:44:00.001+08:00

To be serious,

I am real afraid o Lord.
Super afraid.

I know now this is a time that I am called to serve Your kingdom in an 'official' way.
Now I know that what I used to call 'dance' will be used as an instrument to bring people back home.

I am real scared.
What if I don't dare to dance;
what if I don't meet the requirements;
what if I can't sync with the other dancers;
what if I can't get along with them;
what if I can't be committed;
what if I stray from my path from 'dancing for God' to 'dancing for people'?

Recently,
all the responsibilities keep coming in,
and I am steadily becoming more and more busy;
'bulleteam', dance ministry preparation, projects, deadlines and most of all not enough rest -.-

But I know that this is the only be the first steps to a Christ-like me,
being christened with Solomon's name is only like the 'tutorial' stage.

And Stage 1 is to use actions to prove that I love God.
and the rewards are being delivered from fear and inferiority to confidence and courage.

And I know that You're walking alongside with me;
and I know that You're carrying my burdens with me.

With this assurance I shall not fear,
and I pray that the conviction to do the best for Your kingdom will be in my heart.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

(P.S. now dance isn't just some show to impress people, it's God's magic that flows in our moves to bring people home)

crimson and rainbow

2009-07-29T10:09:00.005+08:00

After I repented and I decided to do follow You instead of others..

I felt so light hearted.

So overflowed with joy..

Yes.. This is what I felt exactly on that evening of crimson and rainbow.

What steven says describes as; feeling like dancing; happy for no apparent reason.

I am no longer afraid to witness.
I am going to spread Thy name and Thy word.
To share of this joy that is overflowing in me,
for no apparent reason and given so freely..

My master is You; not some mortal.
My refuge is You; not any games.
All the praise and glory to God.

And I know that You're like a tower; a lighthouse and fortress;
still and sturdy;
eternal and everlasting;
my impregnable fortress;
victory lies in Thy name alone.

To my Three Friends..

2009-07-29T00:04:00.000+08:00

I am sorry.

I shouldn't thought like that just now.

The life that is now mine was made by Your death on the cross.
And yet the reason that I wanted to know more of You was because of some mere mortal.

I knew I was wrong to think that way but I can't help it.
I sat down. I cupped my face.
And prayed. And I repented.
Yet I know I will let You down again and again and again and again and yet again.

But I know You never give up.
You never thought of it.

You knew I am gonna do it again.

You knew I would refuse to grow if I am doing it for other reason other than You.
You knew I hate lies.
You knew me inside out.
That's why they are out of reach(for now).

And I don't want to think about those stuffs now.
GIRLS ARE TROUBLE. PERIOD.

The life with You was almost too comfortable..
even with increased attacks from the thief and numerous temptations,
I know I will rise in victory as You will be lifted up high.

And I know this was how 'Somebody' felt when I used to persecute her to the max.

And I pray for more strength, stronger than a wall, like a fortress,
that I might be able to stand against temptations;
and I pray for growth, growth not for human eyes to see,
but growth that will benefit the Kingdom of God,

MY RIGHTFUL HOME AND INHERITANCE.

Amen.

John 3:16

2009-07-26T18:09:00.002+08:00

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

The fundamentals of fundamentals.
The basics of basics.

The 26-word parade of hope: starting with God and ending with life.

And I was reminded of this verse more than 5 times this weekend.

I was teaching about this verse.
I was reading about this verse.
I was listening to this verse.
I saw this verse appear on the latest Hillsong DVD.
I bought a book regarding this verse.

And I wonder what is wrong with me,
and do I really trust him?(and I know the thief is trying to attack me)

All our works don't mean anything;
unless we are born of the water and of the Spirit we will be denied entry to heaven.

And I have been guilty for using my own strength for quite some time already.
And God I wanna repent after yesterday's sermon.

I know that I am losing control of things, and I'm gonna lose more control if I continue to take the helm.
And I don't want to feel this way, so fueled by odd emotions like that..

I want to use Your strength instead, I'm gonna to ask for Your help.
And I shall believe, with a sincere heart;
repent; with a serious attitude.

And I pray of the above as if like I have recieved it.
And I shall.

Amen. My God is a powerful God.

Conviction

2009-07-24T13:13:00.003+08:00

Him first, dance second, all others can wait.

Solomon really really really wants to dance. Right now.

He's doing hip isolation in lifts,
head isolation in toilets,
jumping and rehearsing the dance steps for sunday,
and his mind is full of 'c-cold c-cold c-cold c-cold hearted sssssssssss snake'.

Sometimes I imagine myself dancing christian hip-hop in front of the church, but that's like,
uh, far fetched.

For now.

Reminiscence Chapter 2

2009-07-23T11:45:00.006+08:00

I bought Hillsongs' 'Faith, Hope, and Love' album(dvd version) and signed up for Lifespring's membership for a grand total for 54.95$ ytd -.-

That's alot.......
But it's good to give thanks to the singers by buying them instead of keep ripping it off from others.

Adding up the album's art is pretty. Super pretty. The album's name comes from 1 Corinthians 13:13 - And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Pretty verse X3

....but the album, there isn't even one song that i 'fell in love' with. super sad.
and while listening to the songs ytd,
i rummaged through the 'forbidden cabinet' because it was so messy.
and the first thing i got out of there is the 'memento' again.

i began looking at it,
our smiles;
the flowers;
her sparkling eyes;
her chubby cheeks;

i wasn't willing to let go of it.
even till now.

i look for your name when i'm online
i get excited when i see your name on my page
i get particularly concerned for your replies

on the outside, i didn't give a damn anymore.
on the inside, where only me and my Three Friends saw what's happening - the chaos within,
the alarms sounding

i kept staring at your face for a good 5 mins.

and i took a card protector and inserted the photo in it,
subsquently i put that picture in it's rightful place in my wallet, faced - down.

and it made me think - i am different now - what would her change - what could worldly wonders secure me - her voice will only cause pandemonium - you are solomon now - zhongsheng is dead - she's attached now - i don't need her - love isn't an inward emotion - give God what's rightfully His - and He will give us what's rightfully ours

and i immediately removed that photo and threw it back into the forbidden cabinet
it's a memory - that's all

please remain as a memory - and don't return anymore

Solomon's Prayer

2009-07-20T09:38:00.003+08:00

Dear Father

I think if I let down my guard for even one second

I'll die

The whole sick cycle will then repeat

That's why I can't

And I'm gonna set my sights to You

Because You are greater than anything

Greater than all friendship

Greater than perfect peace

Greater than dazzling dance

Greater than any girl

So please, stop me from feeling this way

Goodbye ZhongSheng, hail King Solomon

2009-07-12T23:29:00.005+08:00

I am not ashamed that I accepted God because of a girl.

I am not ashamed to say that I know my God is real.

I am not ashamed to say that without Him, I am nothing.

I am not ashamed that I will follow Him until the day He returns,

no matter the trials;

no matter the obstacles;

for true life exists only in the name of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Today Zhong Sheng died to his old self;

in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

The past scars are left behind in the water;

and Solomon arises from his ashes.

Thank you Lord..

You gave me more than enough funds;

You gave me a loving caregroup;

You gave me dance partners;

You gave me understanding;

You gave me the ability to love again.

What could I say, what more could I ask..?

Praise the Lord!

Heal the World

2009-07-08T20:07:00.004+08:00

MJ's gone for 2 weeks.

I still can't believe that he's dead.. seriously..

A man so kind; a prodigy; a man that sincerely wanted to heal the world;

a man that so wanted to create a sanctuary for the kids as a tribute to his deprived childhood;

a man that always wanted to make the world a better place through his inspirational messages that came in his songs..

Thank you MJ.

Your messages will seep into the people's hearts deeply.

The world lost a genius and a man that cared for the world.

You made the world a better place,

through your songs;

for me;

for you;

and the entire human race..

even if you're now dead,

but your care for the world;

you cared for the living;

it made the world a better place,

for me;

for you;

and the entire human race..

R.I.P. Michael Jackson

You will forever be the King of Pop in the people's hearts.

"Heal The World"

There's A Place In
Your Heart
And I Know That It Is Love
And This Place Could
Be Much
Brighter Than Tomorrow
And If You Really Try
You'll Find There's No Need
To Cry
In This Place You'll Feel
There's No Hurt Or Sorrow

There Are Ways
To Get There
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
Make A Better Place...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

If You Want To Know Why
There's A Love That
Cannot Lie
Love Is Strong
It Only Cares For
Joyful Giving
If We Try
We Shall See
In This Bliss
We Cannot Feel
Fear Or Dread
We Stop Existing And
Start Living

Then It Feels That Always
Love's Enough For
Us Growing
So Make A Better World
Make A Better World...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

And The Dream We Were
Conceived In
Will Reveal A Joyful Face
And The World We
Once Believed In
Will Shine Again In Grace
Then Why Do We Keep
Strangling Life
Wound This Earth
Crucify Its Soul
Though It's Plain To See
This World Is Heavenly
Be God's Glow

We Could Fly So High
Let Our Spirits Never Die
In My Heart
I Feel You Are All
My Brothers
Create A World With
No Fear
Together We'll Cry
Happy Tears
See The Nations Turn
Their Swords
Into Plowshares

We Could Really Get There
If You Cared Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
To Make A Better Place...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me

Moonwalker

2009-07-01T13:46:00.002+08:00

Omg. I still can't believe MJ died so early.
The king of dance, his throne unreputed and secure, and the one who threw the world into a dance revolution with his moves..

If we didn't had you, am I still here, dancing?
What would all of the dancers be?

You did those complicated moves like it's second nature to you,
those moves that shook the earth in an uproar;
the music videos that captivated countless;

making millions following your footsteps,
trying to claim your title
only to have you moonwalking out of their reach..

R.I.P MJ.
I wasn't such a crazy fan of yours until I knew dance,
and I gotta admit you were the best out there.

Pray that you'll moonwalk your way up to the heavens.
Your name in the tome of history is assured.

Condolences.

the monster in the drawer of memories

2009-06-22T14:35:00.002+08:00

I opened the 'hidden forbidden holy-ground' of my room;
the drawer of memories.

And the monster came out lashing on me.

Because the first photo frame I saw was,
well,
the bitch and I, smiling with flowers of red and pink and purple.

After I did my usual bitching whenever I thought of her;

I said to her(picture);

'You know what? I ain't the darned old me anymore. I've changed.'

And I know, I'm not the same

my life You've changed

everything is different

everything so different Lord

And in You, I place my hope

I want to be with You

I want to be with You!

Sweet Dreams

2009-06-19T13:47:00.004+08:00

I dreamt of 3 dreams ytd.

1st dream - i dreamt of my crush but i dont rmb what happened after that. WASTED
2nd dream - I kena H1N1 and I am on running as a fugitive -.-
3rd dream - totally dont remember..

I wanna more of those first dreams..
This few nights I'm having far too many nightmares..

Anyway the below song is damn sick.
SICK

Sweet Dreams - Beyonce

You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare

Either way I don't to wake up from you

You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare

Somebody pinch me, your love is too good to be true

P.S. This song reminds me of...Somebody =/

Tell the world that He lives again :

2009-06-18T13:59:00.004+08:00

Tell the world that Jesus lives

Tell the world that, tell the world that

Tell the world that He died for them

Tell the world that He lives again

c'mon c'mon we'll tell the world about You

tell the world that,

about You!

P.S. Tell the world that Jesus lives!

Mad Rush

2009-06-14T22:55:00.003+08:00

Just wanna share something here.

Imagine you are alongside macritchie's running track;

to left are the foliage, the right is the rushing of cars on the expressway.

The Lord says, "The world is in such a mad rush, why you rushing instead of waiting for my timing? Let's do it together, wait for my timing, I will see you through personally. For you are my favoured child, the apple of my eye."

Friends,

as you all see here, God is asking for us to wait upon His timing,

NOT on our humanly, imperfect timing.

We are like the rushing of cars on the expressway;

we rush like no tomorrow due to the nature of the world that we are living in,

we are rushing upon God's timing;

be it BG-R wise,

or be it money wise,

be it whatever that we can think of,

we are trying to accomplish things using OUR own strength.

but the above story is a dream that is told to me through a friend.

and I believe God has told this to me for me to really reflect and wait upon His timing.

Father Lord I thank you for the vision that You sent to me,

that we should do things WITH You than with our own, inferior strength.

Your timing is perfect for You are our Lord God that created us in the first place in Your image,

and I put my faith in You for Your timing to come, and I will follow You instead of the world,

that's always in a mad rush.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Joseph : The King of Dreams

2009-06-12T22:56:00.004+08:00

Well, I was checking up on Joseph(Genesis 37-50) for my HopeSem assignment,
and in my endeavours, I found a cartoon regarding him; Joseph : The King of Dreams.

Please see this webbie for more information.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph:_King_of_Dreams

I really like Joseph as a character.
I first bumped into him in tuesday's quiz which asked,

'List down 5 lessons that we may learn from Joseph's life. (Genesis 37-50)'

I was thinking, ' OH SHIT. I never read till Joseph. GG.'

But the point is,

Joseph is a very good role model for me.

For those readers who are not familiar with him,

he's the 11th son of Jacob aka the man who wrestled with God(Israel).

And he's the favourite of Jacob, which incurred the jealousy of his brothers,

and they got rid of him by selling him to a slave trader.

Soon after,

he was bought by the pharaoh's officer,

Pontiphar; and he's seen as exceptionally talented among the other slaves.

So he is treated specially just as he was in his family.

However,

the official's wife tempted him into sexual temptation and although he did resist,

the former accused him of rape and was thrown into the prison for what he did not do.

But despite all of this troubles(and mind you, this is only the first part of his story),

he never once complained,

and this only shows that God is with us through ALL hardships and He is forever with us.

God really favoured Joseph.

I am envious man, and so fascinated in his life.

People, you should really watch this show. (Utube have the full set, just type the title in)

I bet that you will learn something in this 'animated biblical account'!

Amen and praise the Lord!

P.S. Thank you Lord for the amazing grace You had given us, free of charge..

2009-06-12T12:39:00.002+08:00

Christians are not supposed to be keepers of the aquarium. They are supposed to be fishers of men.

My God! This article owned me!

Go see!

http://www.carm.org/christianity/-christian-church/introduction-why-topic

2009-06-11T13:57:00.001+08:00

Now I can understand how and what's your life like in the past;
how it's like when you reach home at 11 plus;
how tiring it is when you finally put down your bag and still have to talk with me;
half doing your work, half doing your stuffs.

The more I experience what you called 'a busy life',
the more I understand how amazingly patient you were with me,
when you'd bothered to talk to me even when you're damn tired and need to focus on work,
but you would patiently talk with me till the point when you want to sleep..

The more I understand what fatigue you were feeling then,
the more I felt how wonderfully imperfect that you are.

And the more I thought about it,
I know that, then, I was just a damn kid that keeps saying that I love you but never knowing what love was.

Just that it's already a wee bit too late to really let you know that i am different..

Maybe no one else remembers,
and you probably had forgotten,

but on last year's today,
this is the first time you officially 'ditched' me.

Not that you are now 'with' me now anyway.

Never mind la.

P.S. He still has a plan, I'm sure of it.

Question

2009-06-10T13:40:00.002+08:00

To:
anyone who read this post;

why does Jacob recieve all of his spoils despite him using trickery to gain it?
(Genesis 25:19 - 27:40)

and pray for me so that I won't be too fat to dance a couple of weeks later -.-

P.S. first time scared to hell at work..

'Love', Part I

2009-06-08T17:49:00.002+08:00

(Some details are bathed in whites. Highlight the page so that you can see them.)

Whenever I try to advise someone else nowadays
I always hold back on what I want to say (or what I CAN say)
specifically biblical principles from non-believers.

And that made me think back.
Whenever we used to quarrel on stupid matters,
Were you holding back then, like the way I do, now?

Whenever you kept quiet
Whenever you told me you had nothing else to say
Whenever I continued to say real stupid things
Whenever I continued to desecrate your faith

I remember I once asked you this(somewhere in December 08, don’t rmb alr) :
“If one day you were reduced to a mere beggar in the streets,
Will your ‘god’ come and save you then? Will he throw down food from the sky?”

And you told me: ‘Yes, He will. I believe.’
I remembered I kept dead silent.
I was fumed.
I thought it was just so you, so damn stupid and naïve..

How can human beings live on faith alone or something that isn’t even tangible?
Or even VISIBLE to the damn eye?

A couple of months later,
It was Valentine’s.
The ‘sacred festival’ of love with my ‘sacred beloved’.
The one that meant my world to me then.

I asked for your hand.
But you turned me down.
BIGGGGGGG wonder.

Saddened.
Broken.
Destroyed.
Devastated.

‘I am a Christian but you aren’t.’
What a generic answer.
But you didn’t explain.
Silence again.

For there was one void between us: God.
I was with the world – You are with the Almighty.
Then, we were 2 different people.
Totally, completely, wholly.

I was praying that night,
And you caught me doing that.
I still remembered how you taught me to pray properly and respectfully.
I wanted God to save me then, and He did.

He sent me home safely.
He sent me an angel waiting for me.
He sent me a message of appreciation from you.
He sent me most of all, amazing grace.

The next day,
Ephraim came to share Christ.
Then I was crying in bed.
Because all I had in mind was you, you and you.

But I always thought that this gap that really separates us,
It isn’t something that I could close up myself.
But God can.

So I decided to gave Him and myself a chance,
and I crossed the line of faith on 15 Feb 2009.

It was all because of you, back then, I admit.

I didn’t feel all ‘godly’ after I received the most powerful being on earth.
And I began to complain.
I only wanted the explanation to your answer.
So that one day, I can tell you,

‘I am a Christian now, now give me a chance.’

But no.
Love doesn’t work that way.
This 4 months in Christ is the biggest change I ever experienced in my life.
Love wasn’t the equal of lust.

God’s manifestation in this world IS love.
The most powerful force on the heavens and earth.

I always loved 1 Corinthians 13:4, as it’s the first Bible verse I ever heard,
And it came from you.

‘Love is patient love is kind.’

And I never knew then that these 6 words would change my life forever.

God’s grace is so powerful.
He decides to give me a chance,
a desecrater of His Word,
in the form of overwhelming grace.

Grace.
I only recently discovered how powerful that is.
I remembered you said about how you won the top-honors for your GB 2nd Company,
you credited it all as ‘God’s grace’ and every girl present was praying for favour.

He sent me you,
an angel disguised in human casing,
to let me know there’s this Jesus,
in this world surrounded by lies and hurts.

4 months is coming to in a week.
The me now isn’t what you once knew.
I can’t say that I no longer think of you,
since you are always on the top of my prayer list, always.

I live by faith that He’s gonna show the way.
Maybe He’s gonna bring me back to you one day.

And even if He don’t,
God still has a plan.
And I know that I can’t see it,
I know that He can.

His greatest grace and love for me,
a worthless sinner,
is the ability to re-learn love,
into the way that He loves us : unconditional loving.

I’m not ashamed to say that I came church because of a girl.
For because of this wrong point of motivation,
I am having a completely different life.
And it ended up because of a single word, ‘Love’.

Excerpt from I Kissed Dating Goodbye:
‘True love isn’t just displayed through an intimate kiss or a loving embrace,
for it’s explained in self control, patience, and even words being left unsaid.”

And yes,
though I really love you still,
it’s better if it’s left unsaid to you.
'For real love is all about learning how to give' .

Amen.

P.S. Je t'aime.

Happy (Spiritual)Birthday to me

2009-06-06T23:53:00.002+08:00

Yay! I am three months old(spiritually)!
Wooo song bo!

Well I am really touched by the CG when they do such surprises for me.

I.WAS.REALLY.STUNNED.

When they put a cake on the table and 'happy birthday-ed',

I sang along, only with a 'happy birthday to zhongsheng' :S

Really need to thank God for today;

I was really feeling dry from thursday onwards,

so before we sang praise to the Lord,

I gave my cries to the Lord,

'Oh God I am really feeling no-mood here. Could I please have a refill?'

And He answered me promptly,

via the sermon that was given to us was,

about 'rising above our fears'.

I know I am actually afraid of sharing the gospel because I am afraid of rejection.

But nonono.

You actually don't need anything else to share.

You have the faith and the belief in God, and He will provide you with everything.

F-O-C one.

But I am actually really proud of the gospel.

It might really be news that are 'too-good-to-be-true'.

But God's presence in my life is really undeniable now.

That this change in me is really God's light shining in me so that I could get out of the maze inside me.

For He sees at the bird's eye view while I see only what's in front of me.

So I will submit to Your guidance, for it's the only one true way.

He's the good shepherd and I shall not be in want.

Ephraim planted the seed, I watered the plant, but it was God that made it grow!

Praise the Lord.

Lastly, thank you guys for the book, 'I kissed dating goodbye'.

Yea, I think I'll really need it. LOL

意思浅浅.

P.S Then again I don't really know why girls NEED to have r/s(esp.Y-O-U) anyways.

Tell me what makes a man, so that I can get over you

2009-06-05T13:49:00.004+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62UOySLtR94

Any other girl, I'd let you walk away
Any other girl, I'm sure I'd be ok

Tell me what makes a man
Wanna give you all his heart
Smile when you're around
And cry when you're apart

If you know what makes a man
Wanna love you the way I do
Girl you gotta let me know
So I can get over you

Other girls will come along, they always do

But what's the point when all I ever want is you, tell me

If you know what makes a man
Wanna love you the way I do
Girl you gotta let me know

So I can get over you

P.S I swear I won't cry, even as tears fill my eyes..

Zhongsheng's defense for his beloved memories

2009-06-04T19:47:00.004+08:00

Nobody can step on my memories

For no mortal can understand my mind.

My memories are mine and sacred

and it's a private secret between me and the Lord.

So quit trying to speculate

because you can never comprehend.

For you are not the one that walked thru this emotional hell

all alone.

P.S. No one can step on my sacred memories and get away with it!

woohoo!

2009-06-03T14:07:00.003+08:00

So 30 mins of nap(on the table) is sufficient enough to make me feel refreshed..
(now i understand why do you ALWAYS like to fall asleep on the table..)

And the promise of dance a few weeks later makes me even more high!
(God please please give me the perseverance to slim down because I don't want to be too heavy to dance)

Going back to hardcore exercise days already.

No more beef steak.
No more Mac.
No more KFC.
No more lunch.

More gym.
More jogs.
More weight lifting.
More milk.
More protein.
More stretching!

Let's prepare for dance!

WOOHOOHOO!!

p.s. I WANT TO SLEEP!

The Lord's magic trick

2009-06-01T11:57:00.003+08:00

Chalet was fun.
Good, rare quality time with the peeps.
Just that I was practically reduced to a walking zombie due to multiple 18-hrs days.

This week,
God has been too real in my life for me to dismiss things as a mere coincidence.
Impossible man.
Especially this weekend's service. WTH MAN.

So there I was at 6th floor preparing and decorating my card for the testimony later,
and I was minding my own business and chatting away, other than 1 fact that is particularly bothering me.

There was this guy, who is basically a splitting image of the bitch's bf,
I was kinda annoyed/disturbed by his presence,
not for the first time alr,
then jf was walking in front of me,
then the guy was beside me.

Jf was talking to the guy, then after we climbed the stairs,
the guy came forward and introduced himself to me.
I was like, the hell?
So zhun meh?
Got so zhun de meh?

Then when we were at backstage,
then this girl who kinda reminded me of the bitch was standing in front of me,
then I was, man God, what are you doing?

But,
the most fascinating thing was,
when it was finally my turn,
I kinda feel so 'THANK GOD' cause I can walk in twos(which my partner was su quan)
instead of one which will make me so paiseh,
AND I TELL YOU THE SONG IS SO NICE THAT I KEPT HUMMING IN WHEN I WENT BACK TO THE CHALET.

but when I was flipping my chart,

I saw someone waving to me.

And I was so BLOODY POSITIVE THAT IT WAS THE BITCH.

100%.

Zarraphina Michael Zane.

Then I was stunned. Literally.
I was thinking, "The hell? That's a lie!"

My mind was instantly flooded by her name and her face,
and the next thing I know, we already can leave the stage le.
And afterwards when we returned to our seats,
as usual, we began praising the Lord in worship as the service draws to a close.

I sang with deepest fervor and at the top of my voice.
I literally cried.
I know God have amazing ways of making me smile even when I'm in the deepest abyss.
And I praised God with all my heart, soul and mind.
And I began praying for you,

I know your attachment is starting and you don't like to be alone in any circumstances.

I know you are going alone but God's with you.

So I prayed for you that things are gonna go well and you're just gonna be fine.

I know you're worried over GDOP's dance.

But I know that you're gonna participate and succeed cause I have faith in you.

So I prayed for you that the dance's gonna be a blast because you WILL particpate in it.

After the service I just rushed down the seats,
even forgetting my testimony card,
to the place where I thought I saw her.
Nope. No sign of her. No Zane anywhere. Too bad.

And after I told Cheryl the story,
she'd say,

"I also thought why were you displaying that stunned face on stage?"

Praise the Lord,
You always know what it takes to bump up the day.

P.S my prayer for you in love is that everything shall go fine for you in your new environment.

Sleeping Problems

2009-05-28T14:25:00.004+08:00

Dear heavenly Papa,

ZhongSheng is not happy.

I wanna more sleep.
I had been having 18-hrs day for a few days alr.
KAO I didn't know this is so freaking taxing that I can fall asleep while sitting!
(How the heck did you survive 1hr of slp/day, you crazy shit)

My ulcer pain leh.
Make it go away can?

And oh,
please make her disappear from my mind

I pray hard hard, in Jesus' name I pray harder, Amen!

p.s Daddy I want to slp!

1st letter to ...

2009-05-27T16:29:00.003+08:00

You damn er xin you know anot.
You want to talk to me first then you ignore me later.
I mean hey! It's not like ME wanting to talk to you!
You wanna talk first and you ignore me, hello?!

You tell me you wanna do e-learning then you stopped replying
but after that you went to upload photos instead?!
I told you about me going on stage this wkend and you didn't give a damn, saying;
'I am doing project, pai seh.'

WTH?!
What you want now!
Could you just bloody let me go please baby?

p.s you're my gravity, Achilles' heel,weakness, you wanna be death too?

About Sighing

2009-05-27T11:47:00.007+08:00

You always used to ask,
'Why are you sighing?'

I would always reply with a
'Just breathing deep out.'

Sometimes you would just ask,
'Why are you sighing?'

And when I keep quiet,
know that I'm sighing because of you.

p.s God's plan or not, I don't know, but contact with you brings disaster

Definition of Love

2009-05-25T22:26:00.005+08:00

But I have longed for true love every day that I have lived

And I know that real love is all about learning how to give

So I pray that God will bring you to me

And I pray you'll find me waiting faithfully

p.s uber nice song man. Real love is all about learning how to give, Amen.

Social Links

2009-05-25T17:03:00.011+08:00

Highlight the text to see the description.

Ever played before a game of the Persona series?
Well it's like the protagonist has a couple of relationships,
with each relationship represented by a card in the Major Arcana of the Tarot.

Which I am gonna use this system to represent my relationships, AKA 'social links'.

0 - Fool - Cheryl - Rank 7
A friend that he came to knew when he first joined the church.She used to be inaccessible to him at the beginning, but when he told her a sentence that struck her, "you'll never fight alone",he gained her trust and became close to her. She likes to hide things and not telling others about her problems.

But the protagonist opened up her heart and became lasting friends with her.

I - Magician - Andy Lim - Rank 9

A close friend of the protagonist that they share everything about, good and bad.
The protagonist first knew him in secondary school as a spiky head and someone that stole his bottle.
They end up being close friends through common interests and they always talk it out in arcades and midnight movies with the rest of 'the gang'.

Currently broken up with his girlfriend and still maintaining a cheerful outlook, but who knows what lurks inside his innermost thoughts?

II - Priestess - Jiemin - Rank 7

A close friend that he knew when they were working at Settler's Cafe.
A good natured, and cheerful girl, she constantly puts others first and is very outgoing.
They share some heart problems and is possible one of the protagonist's best female friends.

Currently having a good life with a mutual colleague as her boyfriend, Dennis.

IV - Emperor - Ephraim - Rank 5

The protagonist's shepherd.
They used to be close friends in secondary school but Ephraim went on a different pathfrom the protagonist.
But they remained in contact occasionally and one day he brought the protagonist to know
Christ after a heavy setback that the protagonist taken, and thus saved him from the world.

Likes to joke, and rarely serious, he is now having a not so happy mood nowadays.

V - Hierophant - Mom/Dad - Rank 5

The good old mom/dad! Supports the protagonist in all matters, monetary or otherwise.
Tends to always give the best for him.

Old fashioned by nature, but nevertheless, did not object to the protagonist's convertion to Christ.

VI - Lovers - Zane - Rank 8, Broken

The protagonist's love interest. They first got to know each other in a campsite while working as instructors. They were as close as romantic couples in the beginning, but by a huge ironic twist of fate, the tables were turned, and he was rejected repeatedly in his courtship of her.

Ultimately, Zane went back with her old flame, and the protagonist decides to end this pointless relationship and tears once and for all.

VIII - Strength - NSA4 - Rank 4

The protagonist's caregroup. He draws strength from their company and numerous fun plays like picking on Donald's hairs, Edison's cold jokes, and their general company. He wants to get closer to them even more.

IX - Hermit - Cong Shi - Rank 9

A profuse joker that is almost never serious. Loves to play games in solitude and spend his time alone at home playing video games. He never opens up to people, but he opened up to the protagonist the other day about his religious beliefs.

Currently in his last week of attachment. He's being happy.

X - Fortune - Jerome - Rank 5

A companion of the protagonist ever since sec 1. They are close friends that went thru alot including liking the same girl, and they ran away from CCA trainings together. A highly talented gamer that can pretty much excel in any games he plays. Other than dance simulations.

Currently having a great life with his girl, Xanthe.

XI - Justice - PX - Rank 7, Reversed

A once extremely pivotal character in his life, they became friends thru Andy.

Captivated by her charming smile, he fell in love with her but the love was never answered. Eventually they broke off contact knowing that this is the best for both parties,
but she always remained as a very powerful memory in his heart.

He saw her yesterday and they had 3o mins of quality time which is long overdue 2 years ago.

XII - The Hanged Man - Dan - Rank 8

The first of his friends in which they shared everything, he used to be a highly detested and a highly efficent money spender. Now, he's nearing a cassanova but always meets failure in his romantic relationships in the end.

Currently brooding over what happened with his recently love interest.

XIII - Death - OdjN - Rank 10

His other side. The evil, lusty, angry, dark, selfish, and emo side. The guy spouting 2 black wings from his shoulders.

Currently under control by the awesome God.

XIV - Temperance - Bing Hong - Rank 6

A friend he just got to know in church. Easy going and cheerful, he is the first friend that protagonist made in church. Currently having some problems with his cg and often seek refuge in NSA4 and other groups.

A good mutual friend with Cheryl.

More to come! =)

p.s now i know that my narrative sucks like MAD.